Paris, France - 12/22/00

12/22/00

He's not here.  He left his tickets by the phone and couldn't get on the plane, so he'll get here tomorrow morning.  This has been just about the crappiest day of my life.  I woke up at 3:30am to find a note under my door, all in red pen, telling me to call my mom for something very, very urgent, underlined.  A bunch of times.  I thought someone had died - Jamie's plane had gone down or one of the kids had a car accident in the bad weather... Andrea answered the phone and laughed when I asked what was wrong; she said she'd get Jamie.  And I didn't even realize then that he should have been on a plane and not there.  Now I'm just mad and worn out.  I've never been so disappointed in my life.  He was supposed to be here today.  I was so excited, and now I'm in a hotel in Paris alone instead of with him.  Now it doesn't seem real that he's coming since he's not here now.  I've just been pretending this whole time that he's coming to see me.  I'm not excited anymore.  I still want to see him, of course, but now it's just like he's not coming at all.  I wonder if I'll even be excited tomorrow.  Today just wore me out.  I went to the train station on the first bus (I got there at 6) to change my ticket so I wouldn't be charged, and the guy there told me to use the same ticket, so that was a waste of time.  I went back to Cézeaux and slept for another hour and a half, then went back to the gare to take the 10:18am train.  It was a 3 1/2 hour train ride... I got here (to Paris) at 2pm and then finally got to the hotel at 4pm.  Today just sucked.  I had dinner by myself here... I'll be paying for the night here, plus about 200francs for dinner/breakfast and a call to Matt and Nat and I'm all by myself.  It just was not a good day.  The room is nice, but it would be a whole lot nicer if he were here, like he's supposed to be.  I'm just really unhappy.  I'm not at all excited now that he's coming, because it just doesn't feel like he really is.  All my excitement was for today, and he's not here.  I just don't have the energy to be excited anymore.  I just feel like hitting him for disappointing me so horribly, and then crying in his arms for a long, long time.  I love you, sweetie.  I'm just not happy right now.

[He really did try to make the plane - he made it to the airport in Tulsa, and inside the terminal after being dropped off, before realizing the tickets were back at my parents' house.  Ended up taking a cab back, had to get let in by a neighbor, and made it back to the airport just a little too late.  He felt TERRIBLE.]